Not bored, just tired
School and work (I would say “life” but I have not had one of those for a while) have kept me away from blogging for a while. I feel, lately, like I am being pulled in different directions- which I suppose I am. I am starting to feel pressure to decide what I will devote myself to, and I *can’t* decide. I like my job now, so I think I might like to stay in the digital humanities. However, what drew me to librarianship is the ability to work with lots of people, which I would get from a public services library job. There are other considerations too- techie vs non-techie, reference vs support. I just don’t know- and I likely won’t know until I actually work in a few different positions, which is scary.
It’s not like I need to decide on a career path RIGHT NOW, but I am getting a lot more questions to the effect of “what are you going to do once you are out of library school?” and I don’t know how to answer. I feel like a bit of a failure not having a definite area of librarianship I want to go into. For the record, I know that’s so NOT true, but it’s just a feeling, gnawing away at me.
Add to that stuff school work and work work and committee work and school paperwork BS on TOP of the regular school work and you have an exhausted to the point of collapse Karin.
Which brings me to the real point of this post. I remember reading a while back about saying yes (was it on Kathryn’s Blog? Maybe…) and I sort of unconsciously took this advice to heart. I have been saying yes a LOT more than I would have a couple of years ago, when I protected my time rather zealously. The results have been good and bad. In addition to full time work and grad school, I have been to 5 conferences, presented several times, written some articles, I serve on the display committee at work, I’m secretary for the Nebraska Library Association NMRT, and I attend pretty much any professional development thing I can. I have also networked my butt off, and in the process made a lot of really cool acquaintances. I never feel like I am doing enough, though, because librarians are overachievers (at least a lot of them are) and plenty of them do tons more than I do. (For example: danah boyd posted recently about work/life balance.)
So I feel a little down when I realize I can’t do it all. Why not? What’s wrong with me? Where has all my energy gone? I kept expecting to get over this funk, to perk back up to the energy level I was at even last semester, but it is just not happening.
Saying yes all the time has led to some really great experiences though, and I wouldn’t trade any of it. All the conferences I have gone to have been a blast. I’ve met several people I now consider to be friends. I’ve been able to travel more in the last two years than in the 5 years previous to that. Best of all, I continually feel like I am doing something with meaning. I’m not just wandering around- I may be interested in too much, but it is all interesting to me. I’m not bored, just tired.
Unfortunately, there’s no break in sight for me- My semester ends May 2nd, and the following Monday I start my practicum. 90 house does not seem like a lot, but crammed into three months in which I’m traveling a lot (and still working another job), it will be a pretty large chunk of time. I’m also taking a class this summer and attending two conferences. I do, thankfully, have a vacation in there before the ALA conference in Anaheim, but travel for me is about packing in as much as possible into a trip, not so much relaxing. I will have about 3 weeks in August where I will only have full time work.
This turned into a rather long post to say this: I’m gonna blog more, I promise. 
karin :: Apr.10.2008 :: Library, Rant, School Stuff, Work :: No Comments »
I have been pretty quiet here lately. The truth is, there has been a LOT on my mind- stuff about my future career, where I want to live, what concessions I am willing to make (including how much time I am willing to spend away from my husband) and what exactly I want to do. So much is unsure, and I suppose I feel a little uncomfortable talking about things that I am unsure about- though I think for other library school students, this is exactly the kind of thing that is very useful to read about.
I recently withdrew my name from a job that I really, really wanted. I think I had a good chance at getting the position, but it was just too far from home, in a place my husband would have had a hard time relocating. I knew this when I applied, of course. The plan was that I would spend the week in this other place and then come home on the weekends. It sounds OK on paper, and in planning, but when we actually sat down to figure out costs and logistics, it sort of fell apart. There were a lot of little things that, if taken alone, would have been fine, but all together would make the job unmanageable.
The whole experience has made me cautious about job applications. For a while now I have been adding more and more to my to do pile- applying for a job seemed like the logical next step. I realize now that I need to take a step back and reassess. Full time work and school is hard- when I add to that presenting and writing and conferences and serving as secretary for the NMRT of the NLA, I’m pretty much filled up to capacity.